Oh, no.
Yet another epiphany.
How many time can I have a revelation?
Surely a revelation should happen only once?
Is there a point at which succeeding revelations just add up to normal life?
So is this just normal life?
Am I so dull that anything I think seems like a revelation?
Can it actually be the case that I am truly having original thoughts?
Can that be so?
Me?
I'm not sure.
But this latest one, this latest epiphany, this latest novelty of thought, certainly has impact.
To me anyway.
Let me describe it.
It came with these words:
“Secret” and “outside”.
Puzzling.
They were isolated words with no idea of how they connected, or if they did in what way that could so.
Secret.
Outside.
Secret’s outside.
The secret’s outside.
The secrets are outside
Secrets outside.
Who know?
Who cares?
I don't think I do.
But then the next epiphany, scurrying in the wake of the last one, hanging onto its tails, being thrown from side to side by the whipping tail of the previous revelation that now wags it.
Well, maybe not so much of a revelation but a denial—not pure novelty but a thought about a thought already had.
Nothing very novel about that, I know.
Yet I realize, in this “me" thought, a truth.
Of sorts.
“Significant,” it says to me.
But it implies action of some sort.
It needs that strength to back it up—to kick it up.
Have I got that?
Not usually.
But can I try?
Can I act in good faith about this?
Why have I lost track of acting in good faith, freely, freely choosing, freely acting?
I don't care about the secrets.
That's the faith-holding truth of it.
They appall me.
They are pointless to me.
They tire me.
They grind at me.
They wear me down.
I am flattened by them.
Like a flat fish lying on the bottom of a heavy, heaving, ocean.
Crushed by the pressure.
Squeezed down by the weight of everything above me.
I need to act—act freely, truthfully.
Outside secrets, outside deceit, outside bad faith, outside the knowledge of epiphany.
That kind of knowledge also knows the bad, the inside, the darkness.
The truth of epiphany must be simple and not compared.
